On FOBO
From the mundane “What should we watch tonight?”, “What hotel should we stay at?”, “Where do we order from?” to the more life-changing “What new career will I choose?”, “Who should I commit to?” our day-to-day life is basically all about decision-making. Luckily, we live in a world of opportunities and options, and we certainly agree that this is good, it brings diversity and enriches our lives. It is surely better to have alternatives than to have one single option, or no option at all. Right?
Well, generally speaking, yes. But sometimes choosing among multiple options becomes an overwhelming and paralyzing task, resulting in inaction and pusillanimity.
One mechanism behind that is FOBO, the Fear of Better Options.
We are probably more familiar with FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out, which is kind of related to FOBO (if nothing for being theorized by the same mind, Patrick McGinnis) but portrays a very different phenomenon. While FOMO induces us to take up and on more, FOBO leads to stalling.
We experience FOBO when, faced with perfectly acceptable, valid and accessible options, we are overcome by a fear of making the wrong decision, one that we will regret, one that won’t be the best. Our energies and attention go into analysing, assessing and comparing these options. We keep all of them open, we might privilege some at times but refuse to really commit to any of them, and even when we do, it is a loose commitment we won’t hesitate to cancel or reschedule last minute. We would ghost, flake, postpone, find excuses, or try to change plans.
FOBO can be advantageous, as it pushes us to explore the world out there. The alternative options we find can provide insights and inspiration… or irresistible temptation and distraction that absorbe our time, energy and focus.
FOBO can be a very risky behaviour, for us and for those around us. While stalling, we might lose precious opportunities as some options - or even all of them - could become unavailable. Even more detrimentally, our indecisiveness make us unreliable. This would naturally affect our personal and professional relationships with other people.
So, how do we manage our FOBO and its implications? When lost and overwhelmed by options and choices, we could try to take a step back and reflect on the following:
1. I think this is FOBO at work, and FOBO can also be an ally in my decision. What is this fear protecting me from? What is feeding it?
2. What is really at stake here? Is the care, anxiety and stress I am placing on this decision warranted?
3. What truly matters and is important for me? What are the needs I wish to satisfy with this decision?
4. Who else is involved in the process? How can I be mindful and respectful of their needs?.
When we deal with someone displaying signs of FOBO, we could help them (and ourselves) by making them aware of it, expressing the implications that their vague commitment has on us, avoiding overwhelming them with choices, and setting clear terms for decision-making.
Ultimately, I think that overcoming FOBO is about shifting away from comparison and developing a mindset of critical contentment, one in which we acknowledge that an option that fully satisfies our needs is all we need, and it is good enough.
Perhaps, like most thing, it is a matter of practice. What is one upcoming, simple, daily unimportant or less important decision you have to make, which could be a good warm up for your anti-FOBO muscles?
Written by Dr Maddalena Fumagalli, Practitioner Coach at Windseeker Coaching
Photo credit: Unsplash
